Sometimes i wonder about my existence. Was i created 'out of love', or simply because they(my parents) 'wanted a boy.'

I think it is the latter.

Not that any disputes rose up again, just that i overheard something and always a skeptic regarding my family issues, i couldn't help but to think that way.

There is a lot of difference between 'out of love', and 'wanted a boy'.

Wanted a boy, in this case not to fit societal norms(or maybe even so) but how about socially(Gain face amongst my relatives bla bla)?

Looking at my family now, i am sure i am here unplanned.

Before you read on, with your jaws dropped and start to assume in your stupid mind that i have been abused(WTF?!), no, i'm not. I am just annoyed with my parent's 'plans'.

Have they ever thought that the unborn child in the womb would be a girl? Have they ever spared a thought for the fact that this girl would be a spendthrift(HAHA) and at least MAKE SURE the family does not live on scraps?

We're not living on scraps, but neither are we doing very well.

I feel they've not planned well, and the flaw therein lies might also be the reason why their marriage is so..wrong. Like what a teacher once said it does take a long time to realise your spouse's irksome personality that you had never seen before, and they probably are unprepared.

I hate the fact that everything is unprepared(or so it seems) and that i am the by-product of brainless planning.

Of course it is much better than me getting put up for adoption because i was born a girl and anyway i have kind people buying whatvever i want for me HAHAH, i still don't feel quite right about my family.

I don't feel the concern from my dad, neither from my mom. Maybe only from that kind stranger.

And it's weird that my mom sides my sister, even when she is in the wrong, while my dad gives no shit.

Leaving me to fend for myself, which is getting tedious.