Sparing a though for myself...way too much.

You probably wonder why I'm still not asleep. Well, i wanted to sleep initially but then i thought of something and then i just teared.

There's something i've been clearly aware of - I am taking things for granted.

My mom is the sole breadwinner who's really slogging her ass off, for that miserable sum just to keep everything going on, plus the god-of-fortune who only makes my life too good to be true. How good can my life be without all the extra allowances to purchase things i like and eat the food I like? Without him, i won't even be able to go crystal jade's once in a while. I wouldn't even have a colour handphone! (I don't wanna go into the specific details of how much my mom makes and our expenses. It's just barely enough, not enough for extravagant expenses.)

She's working so hard. She has eye problems but she goes to work everyday. A minor aliment in me is enough to send me asking for a schoolday's exemption.

I'm..really not doing her hard work justice.

I play everyday and hell, i go after branded stuffs which are ridiculously priced, although not that much, I still set my eyes on pricey branded apparels.

I realised i've become more self-centred, and definitely more selfish. I am so calculating towards my sister, although i would defend myself by saying that she is irresponsible, i believe that is only a furthering my self-centredness.

A friend said it is fine, everybody has flaws, but isn't that a sheer excuse? Everybody has flaws and they should change them, if they can. It will never touch the lines of being a perfectionist and such.

I ought to think for my mom and spend lesser.

Because I know my results will break her heart if i don't study hard now.

And i'll try surviving without the godfather's money for at least a month.

Not that i am cursing him, he will have to go someday. And from then on, who am i going to live on? My boyfriend? My friends? My relatives?

I'm living too comfortably in a well protected world of my own.

So protected, i'll die the moment i get exposed.