If i had learnt how to keep myself still even when i am really happy and excited, maybe it could have lasted longer, or maybe it would have even lasted till today, till a really long time, say 10 years later?

I just played audition with Karen, the audition-renowned pro.

MAN, she's really good. Playing npc with her has made me earn like 28k? I spent all my 40k on hair, and lost some of them to the previous rounds. GOSH.

$$$ =D

...I merely said you are as TALL as that movie star.

And don't you think it is like, good to be as tall as a hottie?

I've never once brought in the comparison of LOOKS what.

Crap. Mrs Yeow has asked that i produce the PSD files for all the digital artworks i've given her for the project. Now, i only keep PSD files of those that i think are really good and pretty.

Moreover, my PSD file for each file is like 4000 plus KB. Now, i need a burner again.

Anyway, it is possible to do DIGITAL ART for O LEVELS. I see some light. Uh.




I know 'Daddy' would be angry if i say this, but, i love my 'Daddy' very much. 'Daddy' is good in all aspects, he is a neat and tidy person, and he excels in all his grades. Moreover, he is elegant.

So.........please, don't even think about me trying to get over him, because i won't.

Guys just like to think girls like them, when they're just a tad too friendly, but they're friendly cuz they're good friends what, DUH?

I keep going on friendster to look at that pretty F.C's pictures, sometimes i think my eyeballs are glued to her. <_< Whenever i see pretty/handsome things, this happens HAHAHHAHA =X

I just like the natural lined eyes, although she has no double eyelids.

Speaking of which, i have been so glued to plain gaming and photoshopping that i realised i've stopped blog-hopping.

The only blogs i read are Felicia's, Gerlaine's, Dewi's, Haiqal's.......and i can't remember anymore, maybe XX's? And AL's.

I am craving for chocolate, chips, booze, and snacks. I shall go and get myself some junk food and weigh even more than 53 kg next year.

I think i am a little crazy when it comes to cleaning my room.

I love to use antiseptic, because it makes my room smell cleaner, like a hospital.

I clean my room for the sake of creating an environment good enough for me to study in, but i always end up designing. Don't ask me why, idk either. <_<

I don't know why i keep meeting strange people.

1) This weirdo who asked me to help him do some designs, okay, fine, i'll do.(See previous entry on financial assistance LMAO) But, i have to go to HIS house, and note, i don't even KNOW HIM! He messaged me on friendster. Then later he changed, he said he can come to my house(wah fuck), then i kept silent. Then changed to send me online, OKAY I AM FINE with that, but he did not mention the pricing.


.............I design, and i want to WORK as a designer. I expect to get paid, DOH!

2) Weirdo no.2 started preaching to me about the difficulties of life, about how stubborn(which i know i am)i am, how i ought to learn to be flexible yadda yadda.

I told him this, "An adult most certainly does not tell a baby to GROW UP, because the baby is incapable of doing that. Neither is the baby able to adapt to the adults world, in fact, it is the adult who ought to be adapting to the baby's world"



Sia la, what's with life nowadays.

I slept for ages, i woke up, and i went back to sleep, from 3plus, all the way to 10. I am powerful.

Anyway, it's time for me to buck up and study hard, and at the same time save hard.

Fifi terribly needs the vet, he's not down with any disease, but he has a cut and a few lumps on his stomach. These lumps keep getting bigger, and they are really SOFT, and although Fifi is still the same even with this minor aliments or so i feel they are, i think it's best to check with a vet.

After sourcing through tons and tons of local pet forums, i've found the basic consultation fee to be $30, and if there's a need for medication, the prices will go up, very much.


CURRENTLY, i've been eating lesser, and i've saved to about $20. I'm planning to loan it from people(but that'll be my very last resort), but for now, i'll stick to bringing bread to school just to save the money.

I hope i don't have the urge to spend the money away, because if the urge strikes me all my thinking about "pets come first" will be gone <_<

Status and other many things give you unrest.

All the problems people face today need just one word to opiate themselves, and that is CONTENTMENT.

I used to long for this to happen, to be at the top, and laugh at my enemies if the scored lousier, which used to be all the time. I worked really hard for that.

Right now, i wished i kept marks of 60-70. That's good enough. No need to reach sky high marks.

For what?

Life is such a bitch sometimes.

And i am one too. Lost control of my temper at many intervals, and mind you, because of the immense stress i am facing from all aspects of life, whenever i lost my temper, i lost it real bad.

People always want to compare with the best, maybe, i'll learn to take that as a compliment, but i won't do so in the near future. In fact i am getting stressed each time people ask me how much i scored for english tests.

So much that i don't really bother putting in effort in it, and i purposely chose the wrong answers just to give myself a borderline pass. I'm really SICK AND TIRED of "Mayee, how much you score?", and people speculating who would be the top and all that.

I don't know which sick bastard enjoys doing such satirical acts of just pushing another person to the extreme, and those who revel in winning and excelling in everything you do, i say, you stop it.

Because in the end, you'll be the big loser.

Just like me.

I probably won't blog untill i feel better, because i am feeling so snappy everyday, i have a tendency of crying even at the slightest irritation. Even when Mary's physics project's cars made me laugh, i still felt very gloomy.

I apologise sincerely, if i ranted at you, and hopefully, you'll excuse me for that. In my p.o.v i'll probably argue that i ought to be forgiven because i am put into alot of stress, but it's up to you anyway.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

- Roy Batty, Blade Runner

I don't feel like going to school later.

I am a little sick, and my eyes look like there are CABBAGES under it, so fucking swollen, nabei.

But i can't possibly leave my group members out in the lurch for the presentation tomorrow, geeeeeeeeeez.

For awhile, a crying session never felt that good.

Uh Oh. Somebody has misunderstood my previous entry, so i removed it.

Don't we all know, Mayee loses control whenever she sees something nice? Be it a handphone, like if she really likes the phone she can do all sorts of mad things such as 'rioting', making her phone bill up to a thousand over just to show she likes the phone?

So what's the big deal with my sudden obsession with a living female i ask? -_-

You funny moley weird somebody, you're seeing things with a magnifying glass.

...I am a vainpot.

I'll never sleep with wet hair like how i used to in the past, because it's bad for my hair, and for my head as well.

To those of you shittyfuck girls who call me vain, who say i'm so act chio, ask yourself.........didn't you ever tried to make yourself better?

If a "No" comes out from your mouth, i suggest you go see a shrink. Or maybe seeing me is enough, because i'll bitch slap you a thousand times.

Don't brushing your teeth, combing your hair, going for haircuts count?

If you want to argue with me that putting makeup is 'unnatural' beauty, then don't bother brushing your teeth. Be AU NATURALE then. *Rolls eyes*

Just what the fuck is wrong with the mindset of these girls who think they're the "girl next door" sort, everything so natural and 'original', huh?

I admit i am a mean and direct person, and i say mean things almost all the time, however, in my point of view, nothing is never too mean if it's a fact.

Also, i've tried listening to Auntie Felicia, but i just cannot bring myself to like certain people. It's really tough, seeing that they annoy me everyday.

I want my Wacom Tablet, but then again, i am so not free to go all the way to Funan IT Mall, not within this month.

Who knows, he might change his mind after looking at my horrible EOY results.

Seriously, fuck off lah. I just don't like you. I don't like to be controlled, i don't like to be thought i am in love with you, when i am OBVIOUSLY NOT? Just like i don't like to be thought we're really good friends and therefore we should be as similar as possible, when we're not.

To 'welcome' the coming of the End of Year Examinations, i deleted ALL my computer games.


And ultimately, Photoshop. So i'll stop getting distracted and really sit down and study everyday.

&*^&*^$#%^&!!!!!

DRATS. - Instead of doing my EOY art by starting on the tip of the whole massive pain-in-the-ass iceberg, i fell asleep.

It is proven.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

LMAO.

I am just bored, a little on the stressed side though. There is still ART to be done, MATHS, LITERATURE, and some last minute SS revision before i go to bed, hmm.

You Are 56% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How Cynical Are You?

You Are Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry. At work and school, you do best when your analyzing. When you love someone, you tend to be very giving. In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out. Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry. You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

YES. I AM INDEED, THE FORTH BORN.

You are 93% Leo

How Leo Are You?

If you talk to me only for the sake of opposing me, hoping that the conversation would spark off an intellectual topic about space, the galaxy and what not, you can forget about it.

You have a dense mind, one who goes so surprised when i told you about thailand's democratic reform, HUR? You don't watch TV do you? But then again, you're always there to tell me what kewl cheena television show is on, so how do you explain that?

My judgement on you is still RIGHT.

Who gives a damn if you're a nice person, ACTRESS?

HAHAHAH THIS ONE IS FUCKING TRUE, LOOK AT THE ANSWER LOLLLL

Your Career Personality: Practical, Easy-Going, and Determined

Your Ideal Careers: Airplane pilot Civil engineer Fire fighter Forensic pathologist Graphic designer Marine biologist Police officer Professional athlete Race car driver Software engineer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Your Boobies' Names Are...

Wonder Woman and Batgirl

Boobie Name Generator

How IRONIC, my boobies should be named......horizontal liner. LOL HAHAHA

Baby, what's your sign? (Celtic Zodiac)

You were born in the month of the hazel. The Hazel was considered to be the Tree of Wisdom and to fell one was once a crime punishable by death. In general, Hazel individuals are perceptive and clever people, endowed with good reasoning powers. They have lively and analytical minds, possess a great deal of imagination and are radical and idealistic thinkers. Sometimes known as the mediators of society, Hazels are keen observers of the truth around them and able to judge an entire situation in a very short period of time. There is, however, a tendency for Hazel people to sometimes become paranoid and lack self-worth. Hazel individuals dislike pretense, false values and waste of any kind. They are probably the most rational of all the Celtic signs and always appear to be cool and reserved, which enables them to remain outside of life's emotional sphere. Hazels individuals are blessed with agile minds able to cope with any extremes, but they have a tendency to be most critical of their own shortcomings and may suffer from low self-esteem. Though not particuarly demonstrative people, they are sincere and inspire great loyalty from others.
Take this quiz!








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SIAO.

This one is pretty true.

You Are 35% Left Brained, 65% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

For one, i keep failing my maths, and that explains my lack in logical reasoning.

Your Extroversion Profile:

Assertiveness: Very High

Friendliness: Very High

Sociability: High

Activity Level: Medium

Cheerfulness: Low

Excitement Seeking: Low

How Extroverted Are You?

You Are 44% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman. Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion! And chances are, you're currently in love. You have a strong physical response to love... And you are great at committing (As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Who Should Paint You: Pablo Picasso

Your an expressive soul who shows many emotions, with many subtleties Only a master painter could represent your glorious contradictions

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Very true as well.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Your Life Path Number is 8

Your purpose in life is to help others succeed You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character. You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money. A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing. In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance. You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision. Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless. You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody. And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

What's Your Ideal Pet?

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

.....hah.

Your True Love Is a Taurus

Why you'll love a Taurus: Romantic and sentimental, a Taurus can provide you with the security you need. And you both share a fondness for the finest things, from great food to luxury vacations. Why a Taurus will love you: You have the honesty and direct approach that down to earth Taurus desires. And enough elegance to show a Taurus a few new decadent delights!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

You Are 62% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love. But you're not really getting the deep love you seek. Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style. Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want.

Are You Addicted to Love?

I browsed through the current pictures of my primary school friends. I don't really like them, i am fine with those in my school, but the outside ones, NEH. Maybe it's because of my introverted personality back then due to my skin problem, or maybe it's because...we just don't click.

Anyway, they're still twitty people.

One difference between them and I......is...i have started working on my ambition, but for them i really don't know, because from what i know, twits are still silly people. Deluded would be the word.

Sadly, most of them have multiple boyfriends. I don't. =(

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ so i shall go and find one now, on Audition. Like all commonly named males, or so i know, his name shall be Wei-somethingsomething, and he shall be a cheena guy who will call me dearx, dardar, yadda yadda.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA

I am mad.

I have just finished having a very big cleaning and shopping spree. Sister and I went to IKEA and bought alot of boxes, and i bought alot of useless things like candles (-.-) on impulse because my purse was a little fat this week, as i abstinated from cabbing to school and back home and all that.

I cannot believe i saved so much without even asking for additional money from the god-of-fortune when i met him. I am so proud of myself.

I threw away alot of things which had alot of memories, and for those which still holds a very strong sentimental value, i kept them all in a box, old photographs/neoprints, old birthday cards, silly iloveyou letters, all of them, in a box, far away from my reach unless i bring a chair.

As i was packing, my dad was blasting the television as usual, the taiwan-politics channel and there was this lady talking about success.

She said " When you fall out of love, when you get your frail heart broken, do not rub salt on your wound by thinking about why it happened, don't think about it. Instead, indulge in doing things you like and keep yourself busy."

...

To be direct, I'm getting more and more irritated as people ask me to help them print stuffs.

Especially when i have not installed my printer back to the computer yet.

But that's not the main irritant.

The irritant lies with the way these people behave. It's like, their printer will FOREVER have NO PAPER/ NO INK if they don't go do something about it and only find others to help them print right?

And to them, the important thing is finding whatever to print, and relying on the person to get the work done.

Fucking irritating. ROAR.

I think i will fail my Chinese EOY again.

How to pass when i don't know the format of writing formal/informal letters, and even when jilaoshi explains and tells us the format on where to write the addresses and all, I re-write them in english, so as to translate to myself.

I could even pronounce tanjong pagar ( dan1 rong2 ba1 ge2) as si1 ba1 lan4 something something.

-_-!

And this word, li4 jie4, i read it as ju3 li4.

Tan Liping was laughing her head off. <_<

I deleted a 100 over posts.

Some drafted entries were really depressing, so depressing till i cried. =/

I miss you so much i want to cry.

Ann told me before, that it is alright to cry, in fact i should cry as hard as i can, but promise myself that i'll not cry for that particular topic/item/person again. I don't know, seriously.

I used to get lost in your eyes, and it seems i cant live a day without you. I want you, but i'm not giving in this time.

I am haunted by the beautiful memories that were actually in the disguise of a disaster. Innocently happy flashbacks of you and i, oblivious to the voracious appetite of the gossip-mongers.

We were so happy together, although it did not last long, it was more than what my dreamy self wanted.

Within a day, all ties were cut. All conversations ended. Smiles were inverted into symbols of hate and anger. The once hillarious and warm msn conversations diminished to cold hellos and goodbyes, and eventually we stopped talking.

Then you started doing all sorts of weird stuffs just to upset me. You started to snap at even the slightest things i said, when all i asked was "Are you okay?". You told people i am a marginal part of your life, you told people i am freaky. To hurt me was your modus operandi.

Despite all that, i stood by your side and defended the curious voyeurs who wanted to know what went on between us, some individuals even quoting what you said as evidence to show that you are not as good as what i thought you to be.

I believed, and still am believing, that you are not that bad.

Yet time and time again, fate proved me wrong.

Reality is so bleak, and yet at times, so deceiving. We hit it off so well within a day. It was just because of a slight joke by a friend that made you feel so repulsive about me, and it stuck to that way till now.

Why did things have to get so bad when it was really beautiful in the beginning. You and me, She and him. Best friends on each side.

I cry myself to sleep almost every night when i know i won't even have a chance to catch a glimpse of your smile anymore, soon.

Currently, i'm deleting alot of old posts.

Time to manage my life, literally and figuratively. =/

If only there was somebody who really understands how i feel, that kind of obsession....

I am sick of all the web layouts i have done.

So i really don't know what to do regarding my current layout, i want to change it, but i don't know what i want to change it to.

I feel fucking guilty lah, it's like, i told them "I'LL DO IT", and then...when they called me while i was in school i had the cheek to say i give up already.

<_<

Maybe next year, when i take part, even if my work is in the best category again, they won't choose me already. Anyway i forgot my password alalalala

After upgrading my 'office', i reckon i'ld need to upgrade again, this time, to a larger desk -_-
The photocopier doesn't have coloured ink unlike my own printer, moreover a cartridge has much smaller printing capablities than tanks of ink that are installed OUT side of your printer, they only need bottles of ink...which costs $30 per bottle? Cartidges print only about 50 sheets and they cost more, like $100 plus?

So each time i need to scan something, i plug out my printer, i move it somewhere else. So mafan. =/

Tip of the day : When you quarrel with people, please refrain from bringing in their parents, because it is number one, very insulting, and also, being in a seemingly better family background does not equate to a better character. In fact, bad circumstances are able to raise strong and independent people, rather than those whom are always cushioned from falls.

Also, i've finally noted one difference between passive gamers, and active gamers.

I was playing audition with these 2 level 10 fuckers, and just because i did LIKE A LITTLE BIT better than them the 2 of them said stuffs like, "she pro seh", "aiya, somebody play for her one", yadda yadda.

Annoyed, and amused, i said, "Maybe you should stop bathing in vinegar, because you're reeking so badly of it, and learn to keep your arrogance under wraps, or at least, under control."

Then these fuckers said "Chim wor"..

So my conclusion is...
Most gamers have sucky english. If that is ever considered profound, then maybe....they failed their O's.

WHICH IS PRETTY TRUE.

That also explains why i can never click very well with gamers, (those really hardcore ones). HONESTLY, this entry just shows how much i hate cheena people.

I can't sleep, so i shall type out things about myself, things that i can think of.

I am becoming more and more jaded.
I love photoshop.
I want to be a designer.
I want to go to the top design university in America, if i ever strike lottery.
I want to marry AL.
Ironically, i dream of becoming a career woman - Just me, my photoshop, and my designs.
I want a completely prolific designer as my boyfriend, never mind how he looks because when he is good in design, i immediately deem him as handsome HAHAHAHA
I am trying to save money
I did not rip money from god of fortune today, i merely took what was needed.
I have insomnia.
I am rather afraid of the dark
I fear thunder and lightning the most, second to God
I love hamsters
I will cry very badly i think, if my hamsters die.
I have not moved on from the memories of 2004 and 2005.
I am listening to "Promiscuous Girl"
I am beginning to like Mandarin, but not cheena people, ironically.
I have slackened alot when it comes to studies but improved dramatically in terms of photoshop.
I at least open photoshop twice a day.
I have stopped believing in true and everlasting love, because i have grown up.
I am trying to be less crazy
I am mentally unsound because i can't forget some things
My deepest secrets are not with anybody, my ultimately deep ones. I want to tell people but i can't bring myself to.
I might say i hate you, but actually i don't really hate.
I am mean, but most of the time they're facts
I believe design is 'learnt' by self exploration
I am cynical
I am naive at the same time
I hate children
I'll never become a teacher
I suspected my father wasn't my biological father before
I talk to myself
I cry most of the time nowadays
I am worrying for the people who do not care about me at all
I still feel very strongly for __________.

I cannot believe i am such a weird girl.

I single-handedly did the work, and i wasn't happy to go another round to submit it.

Out of my own accord, i chose not to submit, although i've not called them yet, i am also unhappy.

You must be overjoyed that i backed out of the showcase at the most crucial point.

I could see it from the way you responded when i shared with you my joy.

I could see it.

BE HAPPY THEN? WHY ARE YOU STILL AN EMO FUCK? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HAPPY?

But... i have to say something.

You can NEVER be like me.

Oh, my love for thou will never run dry...

"Give me back the $6000 alimony fees"
"Hah! When you did not contribute a single cent to the household? "
"I need the money to pay the taxi's rental,"
*Bla bla*
"So all you want is the money, by all means, have it, BUT MOVE OUT."
*Bla bla*
"I'ld have had moved out had it not been for the 2 younger daughters, alright then, the both of you(me and my sister) remember to study hard and don't be like your damned mother"

I think i agree with BM's conclusion on The One(s), there is only a right one for us during a certain phase of life.

I believed my parents used to be madly in love(since i knew reasoning they had been at loggerheads), but look at them now. I remember vividly them decided to divorce last year, and i was crying my eyes out in my room, i am actually in favour of the divorce, because my Dad is really irresponsible.

Yet i don't want him to move out, because i won't be able to see him that often and he's getting on with age faster than i do, figuratively. No matter what, i am still his daughter, and i don't want to see anything untoward happening to him. If he moves out, and if something as bad as a fatal accident happens, seeing that he is almost everytime on the road, i might not get to see him even on the day something as bad as that happens. =/

Now, tell me, how can adults not be jaded and cynical? In fact i am already a cynical person, a very cynical one in fact.

This will be a very long entry with alot of laughable pictures at the end, so prepare yourself.

Stop asking me if i re-submitted my works for NoiseSingapore. I DIDN'T. Though i very much appreciated the staff for specially giving me more time. =(

Reasons being, there is a wuss, who would be very much happier whenever i encounter failures, or just when I AM WORSE OFF, which is......... not all the time. He/She is really deluded, because the main reason he/she wants me to teach him/her photoshop is because.....people worship ME. (So what is the relevance to her, i ask?)

Secondly, i am plain lazy. But nevermind, i am still young, i still can go under the youths category till i hit 25. I am happy enough that it'll be featured online, and that the national arts council people saw my work and they liked it very much. =D

Please stop asking me why i am not socially extroverted in online games like Audition, because ALMOST everybody takes that site as a teenage dating game. KA PUI! My 'Daddy' is in so many ways better than them.

I was very very very moody during maths lesson because i was pondering whether to break the CD or not, I DON'T FUCKING want to submit because i want to show that wuss, even if i give that wuss another year of photoshop-practice, he/she also won't be able to make it to Noisesingapore, very mean i know, but this is called experience. HAHAHAHHA, and it's true what.

I promise, next year i'll be better with Photoshop, as in way better, then i'll go for it again.

YESTERDAY'S ENTRY
Life without the internet sucks.

My router has succumbed to fate after working under various abuse by being stepped on or kicked around after a grand total of.....3 years or so.

Today was one hell of a fun day. I was congratulated by Miss Kong during the first lesson, english lessons that i had gotten a credit for the UNSW english competition, out of all the secondary 3 participants, Jonathan, Aaron and I got it. I felt really happy and i went to find out how much Jonathan scored.

....That guy was scored a mark higher than me. HAHAHHA.

PE lessons...were fun. Played captain's ball, the hawk girls and Shiyun versus the eagle and osprey girls.

They had no life please! Beat them 14-6, most of the time it was only Caryn and I playing, even when Caryn passed me the ball nobody bothered to tackle, so that explains our scores.

Next was SOCCER, the same thing happened.

Social Studies was funny.

In my 'island' of 4, sat Jonathan, Nicholas, Jiefeng and I. Jon and JF brought food into Mdm Koh's class, and Jonathan's canned drink was actually wrapped around by his pe shirt.

....So each time he drank, he held it in a very funny fashion. He's like drinking the t-shirt, figuratively.

Because Mdm Koh let us off slightly late, all the chemistry students in my group decided to walk really slowly together to stall time as Mrs Tan
is the sort who'ld label you as a latecomer if another student from you class has already reached and it took you awhile to reach her class.

So we strolled, and when we reached her homeroom storey, everybody acted and rushed into her class, so she didn't scold us. =D

Chemistry, i passed my test again! This time it's not as good , 60%, but i think i can pass my overall =D I used to score crap during Miss Prema's lessons.

Maths lesson, YAWN.

I was telling Jonathan and Nadia that testerorone(sp?) was a hormone that's present in females as well, just that lesser than the amount present
in males, and it is responsible for hair growth to quite an extent.

So my conclusion was.....hairy people have high testerorone levels.

Then Jonathan added on, saying that hairy people are a result of frequent sexual fantasizing, thus leading to a rush of testerorone, and then...
......
Nadia said "....Then what about Melvin Paul Singh?"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA =X

Physics lesson, as usual, PLAYING TIME =D

Mrs Chang wanted to punish those who didn't hand in their theory book, and i was one of those, but i brought my Physics workbook so i triumphantly
waved around and she said "Okay mayee hand in"

I got a shock, but i still handed in so i got to sit down. Thankfully she returned me before she even marked it because we were doing corrections,
then i took the chance to copy from others.

After which, went to Caryn's seat and talked, then Jiefeng and Erwin joined in.

Mrs Chang locked her room because she wanted to keep us, and we were discussing about how many glass panels we had to remove from one column of window in order to escape. =.= So silly, not as if she won't let us out right, and we were so engrossed in discussing.

Jovyn added that Wilson Kong can never go out of the window, and he can only barge through the door. HAHAHAHAHA

Later on Erwin said he needed to pee, and the door's locked, then Caryn(or is it me) said something like he can pee through the window. HAHAHA WE WERE IMPLYING AT SOMETHING ELSE HAHAHAHHAHAHA

...But he didn't get it.

Joked around, and then i went home.

On my way home at the bus stop i saw THE EMPRESS.

She even boarded the same bus as me.

....Nabei.

Felicia even asked me to stalk her, i can't. If she turns around, i'll be burnt. Her mouth is like a flamethrower, agree?


All photography and image editting by Verbiagelover MUAHAHAHHA










Last but not least......My 'Timeline'
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I scored 28/30 for the SS quiz, and 7/12 for the essay, T_T

So i went to their office, and met their team leader for the showcase part.

My work...got rejected, because i sent in the screwed one.

But they gave me another chance, so i'm going to try a different approach as it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to vomit out EXACTLY the same piece.

If this time it fails again, never mind lor. They told me to be assured that it would be showcased online, so that's better than nothing.

I can only smack myself for not preparing a print quality version, but then, that was created when i was still a photoshop noob leh, how?

Even if it fails...i'm not above 25 yet. I'll strive for next year's festival showcase, and this time produce more than ONE artwork for selection i tell you. =D

I won't have the energy to do another artwork in 2-3 days time. I'm having less than 4 hours of sleep a day and i'm getting weaker, so...... if fail, nevermind lor.

Because it is NOT guaranteed that my work would be mass publicised even if i produce a uber high resolution piece...so don't bother putting so much hard work during the exam period.

I still have my job to do in November. =D

Today started off with a assembly about carrying your image, self-grooming yadda yadda. 20 minutes later was spent coaxing our dear Miss Poon to stop crying after she saw this vanguard that has all the things written by her own form class feeling sorry about the demise of her father. I feel a little for her, and i couldn't believe she cried so badly. >.<

So i obediently did the worksheet on my own, and did a little bit of revision for Chinese. Recess, bla. Had spelling during Chinese lessons, if i pass, i will go and reward myself because i studied for awhile only, and that'll prove that my memory got better.

Art lessons...........were dullsville.

Went to macdonalds with Belinda, and i called NoiseSingapore. I was so nervous, i SLANGED unknowingly. -_- So tomorrow would be the last day of submission, and i'm going to drop by their office to hand them my work in mega high resolution and humongous size after my oral examinations which is as late as 5pm. <_<

Bought hamster food for my hamsters, and i think my hamsters are some lucky ass. I bought the premium pack, which is way much lesser than the 'normal' packs, and more expensive as well. I am nice.


Revised 2 chinese topics, fell asleep on the floor, woke up and studied more again. Sigh.

I hereby declare, that i have a major crush on that designer, who is 10 years my senior.

I promise, if all goes well, such as me getting to be his colleague and he is still single at that time, i'll try my best to marry him.

Prolific designers, AHHHH.

Okay my camera's working again, so there'll be quite a number of pictures in this post, and i shall give a full recap on what happened on Friday night.

I was on my way to Dewi's house when one of the straps of my heels came off, and i was struggling to walk because i was afraid the other one would break and i wouldn't be able to walk anymore. MY HEELS DID NOT BREAK, i REPEAT. I am not that heavy. even when i weigh a disgusting 53kg =X

So thankfully, Dewi honey poo poo met me at Chinatown MRT, with her spare heels, she brought it there without any plastic bag, so i was literally laughing my ass off, but who cares, i had Nine West okay. =D (And btw tell me when you want the heels back)

Lazed at her house which had Jolene and Amantha and Mary already, then Yiwen, Dorothy, Sivien came. I tell you, we were all getting so dressed up as if it was the school prom, or rather as though it was somebody's wedding. -_-

Ate the blueberry cake dewi baked, nice. =D

Amantha got her hair permed, most of us did tattoos, which i'm utterly thankful for those of you who helped with the one on my back, and we were only ready when the hosts called us and we rushed a little.

Took a taxi there, 4 by 4, we boarded the taxi first so we reached, waited for them, went to the hall, danced, yadda yadda.

Then i went home first because i wanted to work on my NoiseSG project lor. X.X

PICTURES PICTURES!

Dewi. Verbiagelover. Mary || Heels.

Uhh.

I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fifi and Peachy's doing. They're still healthy, and photogenic.

There are dumb people on earth, who, ironically are able to speak english, write english, but unable to understand written english, they are ironically illiterate.

When i clearly said not to disturb me, but not to the extent of appearing offline for my case because i will talk to some people, but not them talking to me. I will be really frustrated, and DISTRACTED.

"Got such a big effect meh?" You little idiot ask.

Yes there is, i mean, who doesn't THINK when they DESIGN or DRAW, and when you come and tell me whatever marginal happenings to your idol or your life, i of course can't concentrate!

And it also applies to people i'm close to or anything, please, give me some peace. Unless it's something you're VERY sure that what you tell me isn't something i'll think is ridiculous, then go ahead.



Spot the difference.



The second one is for noisesg i suppose, hopefully it really gets on print although it's pretty much confirmed, i'm still afraid.

I had to do so much work simply because this stupid girl here forgot to reserve the really high resolution copy of the original 'Random' work, but then again, i did not expect to get chosen so why would i bother to go so far anyway =X

I only remembered this sentence which made my heart melt...

"Because your work is among one of the best few, we certainly hope your new copy could remain as close as you can to your old one."

*Prays*

How the hell do i handle AT LEAST 30cm in WIDTH and HEIGHT when the largest my monitor screen can go is 1280 by 1024, that's like....impossible!

Shit. Stress again.


The brushes i have and the brushes i made myself are at the most, say, 1000pixels in size? That's only for a precious few which is not exactly needed for this piece. I am handling 3000 over pixels.

DIE MAN.

I will work REALLY hard to produce a high resolution copy of the work Random, which i'll try to stick as close to that as possible.

Hey, at least 30CM(More than 10000 pixels i think) with a resolution of 300DPI is no easy feat.

So i am going to need to produce my own brushes which i'm going to do so tonight. Just hope i wont fall asleep cuz im really tired.

If everything goes well, it will be on display in marina sq shopping centre, on magazines, and many many more, it'll be a really big breakthrough for me, so i must work really hard this weekend.

EDIT // The school party was a BLAST,i had fun doing the tribal dance, and whatever dance ,shaking all my flabby thighs, yadda yadda. Pictures, or rather narcissitic shots of ourselves will be up tomorrow or something.

It's time to DESIGN DESIGN DESIGN FOR THE FESTIVAL YOYOYO!!!!!!!!!

I made it.

I fucking made it.

To NOISESINGAPORE.

I just got a call that my work is selected for their SHOWCASE, and it is sure that it will be on print.

It was even said that my work is among one of the best few.

FUCK, I AM SO HAPPY!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In digital art, which designer/artist on earth does preparatory work? Maybe some thinking and planning is done, but most designers certainly DO NOT have any sort of preparation. What on earth is first hand observations for, i ask.

This bears a similarity to CA MARKS, which lazy but talented/smart people hate. I've always not hand in my english homework, but tell myself to ace and fight it out for tests, simply because i think it is unfair that CA marks are part of a student's final result. A student's attitude might not necessarily be his/her altitude especially in such a case.

It is in fact unfair to the ones whom are really good, because they really have the skills, but yet they are challenged with those who LACK the skills, but proves that they're trying.

Students are rewarded with CA marks when they manage to file their worksheets, so what? Are most of the lessons 'Filing Classes'? No, like DOH.

Most artworks of mine turn out what you see in the very first attempt, or maybe with a little bit of undoing the steps, but honestly, i've never sketched out any layouts initially. It spoils the fun.

So i opened that book, saw the things inside, and my face burned again.

So tied down with problems, each and everyone probably knows what i mean, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

The reason why i go to school with weird looking eyes and all zonked out...is because i didn't sleep well, how do you sleep well when you spend most of the time crying anyway.

I don't know when i'll snap out of this really depressing phase, but i think i'm going even lower than the lowest i've ever been through. So many thoughts running through my head, all of them are obliterating the thoughts of hope and reconciliation.

I need somebody to talk to, not a close friend, a friend. Or even a stranger, but i'll probaby break down and cry and scare the person.

I feel anorexic, but SERIOUSLY, i have to shed some weight. I probably won't be back so soon, because like i've said, i've not been in the best of moods, and i've probably became less crazy like so many of you said because i am really busy, and i have alot of problems to solve.

MUST.
LOSE.
WEIGHT.

I realised, sleeping in class is a HABIT. On days where i had less than 3 hours of sleep in the past, i could survive it all, without having my head on the table, but now, i put my head on the table whenever there's time for me to. How ridiculous.

I almost lost my water bottle today, not only is it an expensive one from Sigg which isn't the main point, it is chosen by somebody who means alot to me, and quite a number of people said the bottle was nice, which wringed out even more precious memories, so sad.

I know i am not letting go of the past, but it really is difficult. Why do people change.

Zomg, my skirt buckle just burst. Shit. Time to stop eating. I wanted to gobble up all the BK i bought within 10 minutes, but my front teeth was hurting because of the retainer bands i had at night, so i ate slowly, which papa assumes that im doing so because i am shy. <_<

Design plays a very big part of my life, because i can get upset for a few days if i feel like i'm stumped for ideas, like recently. Not that i'm sick of it, i just feel like i know what would be the outcome(which isn't so), and i take that for granted.

Somebody asked why i always have a crush on designers....

...So obvious you don't know why meh?!

.....Because.....it's like, we'ld have one topic to talk about all the time, and we can always do collaborated graphics, better than buying couple items whattttttt.

HAHA KIDDING.

I'm really attracted to the idea of collaborated graphics, sadly i'ld probably delete them after the breakup but who cares. With design as our passion, i'm sure i'ld improve alot. HAHAHA

After the holidays, i'll be commencing on my work which is to help design a new website, and add logo's/designs on every issue/publication. =D

I am so tired. I screwed my SS test up, i re-wrote like 3 times? I...was drifting in and out of happy mood. Seriously, i can't be happy with problems like problems with my DAD, with my SISTER, and with myself, with HER, and..maybe with him.

Went to meet the godfather, bought pens, then cabbed to Ikea. Met Erwin, then Haiqal. Went to Ikea, and then walked around for materials, and eventually bought our stuffs. Went to his house, saw pimply's sister, almost freaked out and fainted on the spot, did project, played games, bitched about common enemies, then took a taxi home again.

I'm seriously tired. Because of all the things and damages done to me, i can't help but to be cold and aloof sometimes.

My question for the day is...

*Drum Roll*

How can there be a decreasing population when the unemployment rate is getting higher and higher?

I wanted to skip school today because i woke up with a horrible sinus, and my nose felt like it was going to stop functioning as an oxygen taker, but then the guilty side of me suddenly struck me, telling myself that i should go to school seeing that the exams are so near.

Lessons were okay, and i'm surprised that i actually survived all the lessons (except Chemistry because Mrs Tan's lessons are actually hypnotising sessions in disguise) without dozing off a single bit, and heck, i learnt maths today okay!

Played some games during SS. We were supposed to go interact with other people the moment we make an eye contact and ask them what they did during their hols and try to remember, wah lao, i felt so alienated. All the cheena people were flocking together and talking about audition, -rolls eyes-. (However, bear in mind that i just find exchanging money for virtual cash just to impress such pixelated strangers....ridiculous.)

I DO play the game, but no, i am not a hardcore audition fan, because almost everybody there takes that site as okcupid.com, it's like, they're using some REAL cash for some virtual item, they're just PIXELS my dears.

Believe it or not, almost everybody there is desperate. So many people asking for your msn address, what, hoping that it'll spark into some BGR? Even if it does, it won't bloody last. Call that love? Kiss my ass. And kiss Fifi's too.

The stupidest thing i did, was to invest like $1.6k onto some pixel game. They are just pixels, and judging by the people i know whom have photoshop, they can always go do some pixel art whatttttt, don't know then ask me lor. *Sarcastic face*

I am into...hardcore...photoshop. Not really hardcore, but i still love it, yeah baby, although i seem to have lost the zest to spend hours because i really think i know how it will look like and therefore i stopped.

I got hurt very badly, although the horrible festering wound has already closed up, i will never forget the treatment i went through just to recover and to feel 'alright' again.

I used to fear sleeping alone, i used to fear being in a dark place, i used to cover my ears in fright whenever i see a bolt of lightning, or when i know a roaring thunder is on it's way to shake my eardrums.

But after what i went through, i don't fear anymore. Stupid thoughts of ghosts at night beside me or above me or around me have vanished, just like how the wound went away, except that there's a huge scar.

During the process of recovering, and after recovering, i've learnt many things, i've overcame my fears, i've learnt how to show indifference, but most importantly, i've learnt how not to get hurt, again.

--
I can't believe that Wenhui became the head prefect, WAH LAO! Everybody was shocked and angry please. <_< Lessons were alright, art lessons were a bore, i paid attention during chinese lessons, and i studied for tomorrow's chemistry test at the library because Miss Poon wasn't in school today, and oh, i got scolded by Miss Chong because i cheered when Miss Poon wasn't in school and therefore i could have 2 full periods to study on my own, because i didn't know Miss Poon's having some problems in her life. BLAH.

Went to opposite with Dewi, saw Hiep and Daryl, so went to join them for lunch. I tell you, Hiep is...funny, and sick. He is forever implying at something else, ala a pun all the time.

Dewi : Why don't you guys take up some new interests? Like playing the guitar, etc etc.
Hiep : Play guitar, skin will be thick and rough, not nice.

....You ownself go find out why not nice la, hor?

Dewi suddenly said Daryl's fried egg's colour looks like ___, and Hiep actually had the guts to verify, "Yeah, is this colour", WAH LAO. Everybody's eating and he said such things <_<

Time to go have dinner and then do revision.

And oh, happy birthday Mum.

I feel so tired, so deranged to be exact.

Romantic feelings aside, i still care, as in i DO mind a little.

Haiqal asked me what i want to be, when i grow up. I said "Career woman", he laughed because in Kennysia's entry he mentioned that all girls want nowadays is to have a good life, be like Paris Hilton or Victoria Beckham.

I want to be a career woman, all carefree in future. No family except my existing family. Reason being...i find the little fluttering heartaches, all the scribbles of the name of whoever i have a crush on and all that 'signs' you're 'falling in love' some lame thing.

In short i just enjoy the carefree life, maybe because i've spent most of my time out ALONE during the holidays at CoffeeBean's to study, or simply went out on my own, thus nurturing the lone-ranger character in me.

I am playing o2jam nowadays, er, audition, i don't really know how to play. =X

Spent like 3 hours just to level up from 0 to 4 in o2jam, and jiefeng is a biatch.

Missed ALOT of sleep, and my face looks like crap. My face is beginning to look like crates on the moon.

Some people are born with static electricity in their bodies, and i am one of them.

Whenever i connect a camera, or anything that has a metal casing outside to my computer via USB, i get electrocuted, and my hands can be numb for a very long time, whereas for other people, this doesn't happen.

Let me tell you the saddest thing.

The 'ON' button in my computer is metal, and yes, i will always be tormented, unless i use a plastic bag. Currently, i always leave at least some rubber/plastic material around.

<_<

WOOO LALA, 'BOYFRIEND' IS HERE!

Say hello to uber big screen resolution.

I am a happy person.

Mom : *Talks about this young engineer that she's gonna introduce to my sister who's of a should-be-getting-married age but still single and opens a mail from her credit card company*

Mom : Hah, what a joke, still sending me brochures of marriage offers when i just got divorced? What an eye-on-nee (irony).
Me : Oi, it's Eye-RON-NEE la.
Mom : Marry, also marry who?
*Silence*
Me : The 28 year old engineer lor.
Mom : CANNOT! I'm reserving him for your sister.
Me : Wah lao, what makes you think he will want you man.
Mom : Hmm, yeah lor, i'm way older than him.
-----

Saturday, WEEEEE U WEEEEEET!

The delivery will be here tomorrow, HURRAY.

Woke up, cabbed to tiong, met the god-of-fortune, and did my EZ link card.

I hate how i look on my EZ link card, they didn't use my most recently taken photo, they used my PRIMARY SCHOOL picture, Dewi Honey Poo Poo laughed her Poo Poo off when she saw my card, and my passport photo. LOL.

Then had lunch at Sakae, and went off to meet Dewi at Chinatown point. Before that, went to look at the graphic pads/tablets. I'm pretty much mesmerized by them already, so i'll probably get them next week. Saves me alot of sketchbooks and ink.

Met Dewi, went to coffeebean, did a little revision, bitched, enjoyed my drink, and then went to walk about the stores, i must say, the clothes there are although a little old fashioned, there are some steals within them.

Then took a taxi home again.

Lolz, i just heard from a friend about a girl who's totally unlike how she behaves in reality when compared to her gaming world. What a loser.

I've come to realised how cynical and naive a person will feel, or rather a person can be depending on the various phases of life. For example, a teen who is in 'love' when actually they're just liking each other very much will feel like their boyfriend/girlfriend is everything, and all the love songs will seem to bring meaning to their life, yadda yadda. A person who has just fallen out of 'love',like me however will question everything there is about life, and promise not to fall in 'love' again.

Personally, i think i saw the entire picture clearly after getting over and done with all the fluttering hearts, emotional highs, and of the Major Crush. I definitely felt like giving myself a hard knock on the head as i flipped through many books, to find the name of the M.C written EVERYWHERE like how flies flock to dung. And now i'm making up by trying my best to erase all that names on my mobile phone, textbooks(esp MATHS and phys LOL), and on almost every single paper i doodled on. After getting over the M.C, i seriously don't think love exists in teenage life, and therefore we shouldn't waste much of our time dating in our teens.

Although some might argue that teens ought to date more so they'll know who's exactly The One, i think The One varies at many phases of life as well. Surely you felt like your first crush was the only one and you're gonna marry him? So, there'll always be 'The One's lying around on Earth, in this sunny little island, just like how flyers are thrown all on the bridge that connects to Suntec City.

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Blehh, seriously, i can't sleep.

I got to cpluv.com through some designer's website, and MAN, i am blown away. Anyway, here are some cool sites.

godote.com - Indonesian graphic design portal that has many articles, i like.
cpluv(Computerlove) - All the sites mentioned are gorgeous things.

Had not been sleeping well, in fact, i feel like an insomniac! I lie on the bed, and then my skin, which has always been sensitive, will feel like there's a million mosquitoes on my legs, giving that ticklish/itchy feeling which keeps me awake, and lying in frustration.

I barely sleep for 5 hours, because i keet waking up, tossing and turning. =/ And i wake up at like 10, which i think is so early? =/

Seriously, i don't know what's gotten into me. I admit i'm stressed, in fact, very stressed, not just with studies, but with some personal stuffs, some really personal stuffs, so personal only auntie Dewi knows, that kind of thing. Guess everything's taking it's toll on me. Feel damned depressed and sick, and i've lost my appetite as well. Scully i'm anorexic, tsk.

There's something which pertubes me, something which appears so "wah, sure or not", when it actually has verisimilitude in it. I am changing for the people i used to care for, USED to. It's like, i don't give much of a damn about them already, but i'm still doing things for them. So most of the time the spirit of depression will haunt me at night, making me think about why i'm doing all these things, cry, fuss, write, draw, etc etc.

I also noticed i'm getting more and more nonchalant about life already, even when close friends tell me things, i just go "I see", ":O, really?", "ok", when i used to add on to what i say and continue the conversation. I don't know what's wrong with me, maybe i'm just stressed, to the extreme, that is.

God save me.

Don't ask me, i don't know what this is as well. However, i enjoyed making it although it's not exactly some hot piece.

I found out something, okay not found out, but a friend told me, so again, what i know is just the tip of the iceberg, however, i'm not going to just stop where i am. I'm going to find out more for myself (:

Two's a company
Three's a crowd

Three with a flea removes glee(happiness)
A desperate flee from the sea

Attention seeker, the flea
Serves all sorts of tea(wears many faces)
Just to make sure she gets all the "WEEE"(wee - attention/fun/etc)

---
You probably won't understand from the 2nd stanza onwards, erm, i wrote this on impulse, so all ye pro literature people please don't flame me.

I hate Dell. I fucking hate Dell.

If the fucker had not written all the particulars WRONGLY, the whole registration process wouldn't take such a bloody long time, and now everything has to be re done, so so far the card company's approved of the payment, and we gotta wait till NEXT WEEK for the delivery.

Seriously, i feel like complaining the hell out of whoever that person is, but god-of-fortune is asking me not to do it because i will cause somebody to lose their job or at least get a scolding from their boss.

ROAR.

I feel so exhausted, so dead, so lethargic. I have been doing alot of maths, but my passing marks are as retarded as 14/24, which accounts to a 58%. =/

I also did all the corrections in my Chinese workbook. I wonder why i am so hardworking all of a sudden. Had been really pushing myself till my mood got really horrible. I know i am doing this not for myself, but for somebody else besides god-of-fortune and whatnot, yet this person just doesn't seem to realise it, bah.

However, i enjoy this kind of 'rat-racing' life. Don't ask what got into me.

And i'ld appreciate it if you just keep your comments to yourself for this period of time, because i don't want to unleash my anger upon you.

Though i always complain that BSB is gay and all, i cannot deny i love this song of theirs. =X

BSB - I still
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

31 DAYS LEFT TO EOY.

And i have 4 weekends left for hardcore studyingphotoshop.

So i reckon i will be a good student, go home every day immediately after school and start doing MATHS again, oh, HORRORS!

I think i take after the god-of-fortune more than what i take after my dad. For one, the god-of-fortune has a very hot-temper too, like myself, he actually stepped on his pager(some long long time ago i guess) till it broke when he quarrelled with a colleague.

Kinda like me eh. :s

I've always had a fear of thunder and lightning, because a roaring thunder usually is so light, it actually shakes me. So i think i got less than 3 hours of sleep, i kept tossing and turning, drifting in and out of sleep. Indeed a very horrible experience, blah.

I was pondering about myself, like why am I doing so much things to get back my once really perfect life, with the best friends, with almost like an unlimited spending spree whenever on whatever i wanted back then, and what not.

I can't say i loathe the things or people around me, but neither do i feel like they make my life some wonderful one because it's either we, including the people around me are still lugging onto the past as well, or that we're all angsty people.

But then again, how do you actually get back the once awesome years? With so many changes, it's like almost impossible. BUT with the help of certain people, it is possible, but not when these people decides to ruin your plans instead.

And that is my point.

Because i strongly smell a rat going to my 'cheese', and then gobbling it all up, ruining it all up, before i have a chance to take it back again.

There're so many things i wonder about, like why am i so unfortunate to have an irresponsible dad who still shows some concern for his daughters, in a very marginal way as compared to how the god-of-fortune showers me with. I also wonder if everything i am now was due to my past which was a very grudgy one, and if he would still hate me, had i learnt that the world was not trustable.

I am so angry with Dell.

My delivery will be delayed because
1)The mofo wrote my address 10-**** as 01-****
2)The mofo wrote god-of-fortune's credit card number wrongly.

For example, his number is 000*, so he read to them "Zero zero zero star",
but the mofo wrote it as "30*"

ROARRRRRRRRR.

All they said was a sorry, goodness gracious. How disappointing!

Then i told GodofFortune that i felt really pissed and i want to sue them(HAHA FOR WHAT), and he purposely repeated "Kong huan xi", which means "Empty joy". Wah lao, so annoying, but i laughed in the end. <_<

That stingray who killed Steve Irwin must be hiding somewhere and then showing off to its marine-animal-friends the fact that it's barb was so good, it killed a somewhat legendary character.

*Imagines*
Killer stingray : Hey mates! I killed Crocodile Hunter today.

You'll never know. Who knows, every animal might be idolising Steve Irwin as he is an advocate of wildlife conservation and such, and to them(and the killer stingray) it might be considered such a great glory to kill such a person.

TSK.

In this celebration of freedom in almost every country, breaking free from the chains of human superiority, are we actually seeking the correct way of liberation, i ask.

//Edit
I just found out Steve Irwin died. That's so sad please, the ironic thing is, he is killed by a STINGRAY. Isn't he supposedly very good with animals, especially the marine life? I used to watch his shows and worship him because i am amazed at how he can wrestle with crocs, and yes, i like crocs/sharks too.

Feel so goddamned sorry for his wife, the chiobu Terri. Blah.

///Edit


I have been having alot of weird dreams.

First, i dreamt that i went out with a girl, a senior in the school, totally unexpected.
Then in the next dream, i dreamt that somebody came along with our outings and said "WHY YOU NEVER GO WITH ME?!" to me. Wah lao eh.
And then i dreamt that i was forced to leaved the people i enjoy hanging out with.

<_<

I really can't find my damned purse. My EZ link card is not even 2 months old(i think), damned la.
Replacing a card like that for $18 is so, not worth it. I'ld rather spend the $18 on some sushi, or mixed grill. ROAR.

Seriously i have been a little too diligent.

1)I clean my room everyday, and tidy up my entire house
2)I practise MATHS all the time, for an hour, and then take a break, and then practice again.
3)I seem to love my study desk because i keep buying stationery to 'stock' and i keep cleaning my study desk.
4)I do housework, i cook, i fold the clothes, i do the laundry,heck, i even move pieces of furnitures around(yes again)

I think i am becoming a little like a neat freak.

When will Wednesday come? Between Wednesday and Fri, they'll deliver the sexy thing here. I really, cannot wait.

---

We were so good together, yet we couldn't withstand the test of time and of people.

I've taken off the locked blog function.

Had a pretty long heart-to-heart phone conversation with Dewi Honey Poo Poo, and she is really good at helping me relieve some pent up pressure. I started to talk about the joke of the names Steve Kok and Harry Kok, came up with things like "Hello, i am Steve, and he is Harry. We're the Koks", "The Koks residence", and came to names like...

"Dewi Kok"
"Kok May Ee"
*Insert whatever names you can think of, be creative! (: *
Then the names went all the way to the Dicklets(Pun intended), or rather, the 'noblemen'. Had funny names like "Pimply Kok" (HAHAHAHHAHAHA), you ownself go find out who pimply is and subsitute his name la, okay? (Although it is so darn obvious)

Me : Eh, Dota how much ah?
Dewi : *Asks her brother yadda yadda*
Dickson : Who's that on the line?
Dewi : Mayee lor
Dickson : Aiya, she don't know how to play one lah.

I HEARD THAT.
We were discussing about the live and times of Emaths and Amaths students, and the melancholic mask that the Amaths students put on each time they go to Ah Oh's homeroom.

Me : Hmm, yeah lor, everybody's face is so black.
Dewi : Including mine (Or something, i can't remember.)
Me : No, your face is MONKEY FACE. HAHAHAH

Seriously, i cannot fail maths.

Afterall that things my goddddddad bought me with, each time he'ld say, "Remember to study, i want to see you pass your maths"

He has said that since.....when i was in secondary one? =X

I tell you, i'ld rather score like a bloody F9 for english and then pass maths just for this time, or even out my english and maths standard.

You see, even though i ask for so many things, at least i try to study hard lorzxzxz.

I am going to be a really serious when the new term starts, and probably skip recess sometimes just to go to my maths teacher and ask her some questions i don't understand. It's worth it.

Plus i seem to have a fear of test papers. I can do very well for my textbook and assessment book exercises, but when i do the specimen papers and all, i can FAIL to my heart's content. :s

Must. Study.

I am
SHIZOPHRENIC.
I don't know what's wrong with me nowadays,bleh.

I still went to Jacks Place, and had our brunch.

God of Fortune and mom will be going on a holiday with some idk people.

Went grocery shopping, i tell you, i will NEVER attempt to buy hamster food and the fucking heavy woodshavings and take a bus home. It is so heavy, and taking a taxi would be the best. It's really heavy, no joke. I was darn grumpy on the bus because 1)People refused to move on or let others sit and just act as dumbfucks which they are actually 2)The bus kept jerking and my loot was really heavy. ROAR.

I am going to split the cost and buy mom a watch, preferably something nice from guess, since she really is one who doesnt splurge on brands, like maybe once in 3 months? On ONE item somemore.

At the same time, i shall seize the opportunity to go get a wallet or watch from there too.

Forget it. No jacks place for me. Can use the money that was intended for my meals to go do my EZ link if all else fails.

And anyway, i ought to lose weight.

I am Fifty fucking Three kilos.

So Sunday will be more hardcore studying till Wednesday-Friday, when the sexy computer comes.

I must at least know how to do change the subject of a formula. 8-)


Eh Papa, Auntie, PHYSICS PROJECT.

I am brainwashed to become an engineer like the god of fortune, by the god of fortune.

HAHA WHAT A JOKE.

For stupid people like me, i can either settle for
1)Journalism - And get boxed by cannibals for taking incriminating shots of them

2)Graphic Design - And eat food scraps since designers are sprouting everywhere. Note that i mean by designers as people whom are interested in designs, not exactly everyone can be as good as hejz so at least that's not so worrying.

3)Road sweeper

4)A slut who names herself Tiffany and tries desperately to seduce the rich men.

I'm only kidding, but that pretty sums up my future.

However, i hope to pick up more skills, like not just graphic design, but interior design(which i think is very close to graphic design), and then to architectual design.

Study, STUDY, STUDY!!!!!!

I must pass maths, damn it.
I must pass Mandarin also, which is actually achievable if i spend more time memorising the words.
I should also attempt to pass accounts, because i failed by 3 marks. =X
I should also attempt to cook my Physics up, since i am rather stable with Chemistry.
I should also attempt to put more effort into Art, but then again, i don't like traditional art. So no hope. Unless digital art is allowed for EOY and O'levels.

I am angry, and yet happy.





My dream of having my own room as my own personal office is coming true, because not only have they ordered the system for me, they got me a 2-in-one printer/scanner.

To complete my dream, i shall save up myself and buy myself an office chair. AHAHAHAH.

So bored, that i took 10 minutes to do this.(Animation)

Credits : Crystal86.deviantart.com

And i'm exhausted enough, hahahaha.

By the way, to all you interested budding artists, a friend of mine has noted me through email about this competition/event whereby you collaborated with famous artists by using some parts of their work(that is legalized it's part of the competition, i can guarantee), fusing them with your own and then coming up with a brand new piece.

If your work gets selected, it will be printed onto NoiseUK's magazine, or some other magazine that i'm not sure off.

Here's the link.

Before you start and call me a spoilt brat, bear in mind that when i say "I want (object here)" does not necessarily mean that i will get it for sure, and DON'T tell me you don't ever dream/wish that you had something okay.

As i blog this i am shifting all my old works/PSD files/Fonts/Brushes to my MP3 player. Creative's Muvo sucks. Although it worked fairly well as a thumbdrive/mp3 player ,it spoils very often. Especially the scrolling wheel. Even if i didn't smash it against the canteen table in the past due to a sudden outburst of anger and even caused the glass screen to like crack, sooner or later it'll still spoil.

Listening to the songs in my used-to-function-well player makes me misses the feeling of having an mp3 player again. All you lucky people who have mp3s are so fortunate. I am definitely jealous at the moment.

Looking back with amusement, i wonder why i have a tendency to smash things like my phone, mp3 player when i was angry. I should be smashing the person and not the things i love, and i got even more spoilt as i used to think i can have what i want, so just smash it, since i can have another one very soon.

I don't dare to ask for more, like for another mp3.

A new computer which is supposedly for me to Photoshop and mess with Flash in the very near future is already so costly.

I really want an MP3 though. =/

I am so goddamn jealous.

And you can tell me i am fortunate because ' you have what you want' , like are you sure? =/

I am fucking sad, like i'm going to cry soon.

Because i cannot find my camera which has gone missing for quite a while already.

I am close to tears because i suspect i threw it away with the rest of the garbage as well.

I've been packing up so regularly, but still no signs of the dearly missed ixus.

You can't expect me to ask for a new one so fast right? My mom's pocket is still bleeding after the system.

Die la. *Cries*

Argh, when will the next week come?!

Pfft.

I think postmen/delivery men shouldn't attempt to deliver stuffs over in early mornings, like 8am. I was sleeping, then the doorbell rang, so i ran out, and TRIPPED on my blanket, but still continue running to the door, then i looked at the peephole or whatever it's called, it's a delivery man!

I looked at his shirt which had a logo like Dell or something, and i thought, "wah, so fast come already?!", but on second thoughts i decided to not open the door because i just woke up and i looked like a freak, so i told my sister to go open the door.

Nobody opened the door in the end, and we tip-toed around because we didn't want him to hear that there's actually somebody at home. -_-

Sneaky Mom and God-0f-Fortune ordered the system online, via INSTALMENT so if i ever misbehave they can threathen to cancel the instalment and they'll come and take my computer away.

HOW SMART.

I must attempt to pass maths.

Just some questions to myself, and you. And no, i'm not angry or anything, really.

What makes you think i'll teach you all i know about Photoshop? Just because i am your friend? Because i am your good friend? Because i am your sister? Because i am good with Photoshop?

To be honest, really honest, i don't mind teaching once in a while, but if you want to literally have all my knowledge about it, i'll seriously smack the hell out of you, because it took me 1 and a half bloody year to come to where i am through my own exploration with Photoshop, and i find it unfair to me that i reveal everything to you without you fretting and getting frustrated in the process of learning, because i got very frustrated at times and i kept forcing myself to try again. I cannot breathe it down when kids nowadays have people teaching them, and all they need to do is to just keep probing the trainer/teacher with questions, without exploring on their own.

And you won't get a single thing about what i'm talking about if you don't force yourself to keep trying and explore on your own.

What makes you think that i won't mind sharing, when everybody is all selfish(admit it)?
What makes you think i am always mean when i am actually nice SOMETIMES, like rarely but still it counts. And most of the time i am mean for a reason. Sometimes it's for a good cause.

What makes you think I am forever so free and photoshopping?
HAHAHAHA

What makes you think i am spoilt, when you only saw the happy(conversing with god-of-fortune) side of me?

What makes you think i like you, even when i am just treating you like a friend and not a foe?

What makes you think i'll be so happy to help you design?
I bloody hell need inspiration, or at least some ideas which you need to give me, not just "orh, hip lor", be more specific, like DUH.

What makes you think i can have your design done like, by a day?
Although it is possible when i design for myself, it is hardly possible for others.

What makes you think i'm stupid...when you barely even know me, when we don't even talk anymore, when we don't even know each other anymore, when you don't even know my results?

What makes you think i am always happy?

What makes you think I can go very far with designing?

What makes you think i will be rich when i become a designer? (Nabei, 'designers' are sprouting everywhere! Faster than how a day passes by!) 'Designers' - I want to learn Photoshop! It is already an alarm call to me already, because you'll never know if they take off and overtake me, the one who taught them because they actually have a talent for it.

What makes you think i am a big-shot designer, just because i merely exchanged a little online conversation with a good designer? It's not even like we're exchanging numbers and becoming really good friends.

What makes you think...Verbiagelover is Mayee?